Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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