I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
