47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
