it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
