if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No subtext here. People are naked.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
