I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
