I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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