Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
