your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
