You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
