Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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