mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
