next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
