how do flat chested girls get laid?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
