At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
