Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
