I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
