She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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