What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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