If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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