Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
