Screwed.edu
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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