I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
