Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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