Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize