She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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