No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
too bad you live with your parents still
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
