he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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