It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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