wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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