I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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