I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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