Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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