oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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