FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
