Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
