We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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