Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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