i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
