All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
