glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
