What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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