There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
