Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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