is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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