there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
