I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
