He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
