the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize