So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
