and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
