In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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