Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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