let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize