can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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