i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
