We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
