im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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