the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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