it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
