At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
