Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
