We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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