What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
