and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize