i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
