She's JV to your varsity
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
