I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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