She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
