theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
